When Feedback Fails the Professionalism Test

They say feedback is a gift. But like any gift, it can be wrapped beautifully, or it can arrive in a bin liner. The other day, I received the bin-liner version. A sector CEO I barely know rang me to talk about a session I’m delivering at their upcoming conference. We’ve met only twice before, both in professional contexts. There’s no relationship history, no shorthand, no established rapport.

The first words out of their mouth?

“Your session description doesn’t make any sense. It’s all just gobbledygook.”

No warm-up. No curiosity. No “I’m excited about your session, but I have some concerns.” Just a dismissive label on something I had put careful thought into, a session description designed to intrigue, invite, and engage.

The Problem Isn’t Feedback. It’s Delivery

Now, I should say this upfront: I’m no stranger to feedback. In fact, I welcome it. I’ve delivered workshops and keynotes across the world, from intimate boardroom sessions to full conference stages. The best ones are always refined through dialogue. Someone sees it differently, challenges a phrase, or suggests a reframing that makes it land more clearly with a specific audience.

But there’s a world of difference between constructive critique and outright dismissal. Criticism without respect isn’t feedback. It’s rudeness. And it damages more than it helps.

Effective feedback rests on three pillars:

1. Clarity: Tell the person exactly what isn’t landing. Be precise.

2. Constructiveness: Offer a way forward. Feedback should point to improvement, not just identify problems.

3. Respect: Acknowledge the expertise, experience, and intent of the person you’re speaking to.

“Gobbledygook” does none of these things. It isn’t specific. It doesn’t invite change. And it certainly doesn’t recognise the decades of professional practice I bring to the table.

Context Amplifies the Impact

This wasn’t an internal team conversation where a manager is providing editorial oversight. It was a professional exchange between peers, each contributing something of value to an event. And in that context, words matter even more. Opening with an insult doesn’t just knock the person on the receiving end, it undermines the relationship. And relationships are the real currency of professional life. Whether you’re running a business, leading a sector body, or curating a conference programme, your success depends on people wanting to work with you again.

If your opening move makes them feel belittled, don’t be surprised if the door quietly closes in the future.

What Leaders Should Keep in Mind

The irony here is that leaders are often the ones who most need to model good feedback, because their words carry extra weight. A casual comment from someone in authority can land like a hammer blow on the recipient. That’s why communication from leaders isn’t just about efficiency. It’s about tone. It’s about culture. It’s about the kind of relationships you want to build and sustain. If you’re in a position of leadership, consider these three principles next time you’re giving feedback:

• Start with intent. Make it clear you want to strengthen the work, not attack the person.

• Be precise. “This doesn’t make sense” is unhelpful. “I think the phrase X might confuse the audience, could we reframe it?” is constructive.

• Collaborate. Invite the other person into the solution. Feedback is far more effective when it feels like a shared exercise, not a top-down decree.

Lessons Beyond the Moment

You might think: was it really worth writing about? After all, maybe the CEO just chose their words poorly. Perhaps it was a slip in tone rather than a deliberate slight.

And that may well be true.

But here’s why it matters. Every interaction builds or erodes trust. Every conversation either strengthens a professional relationship or weakens it. The details get forgotten, but the feeling lingers. People remember how you made them feel far longer than they remember what exactly was said. That’s why leaders need to take their own communication so seriously. It’s not about being endlessly polite or sugar-coating everything. It’s about being intentional. It’s about understanding that the how is as important as the what.

My Takeaway

I’ll still deliver the session. And I’ll make sure it’s as clear, engaging, and valuable as any other I’ve delivered, because that’s what I do; but I’ll also remember this call as a textbook example of how not to open a professional conversation.

Feedback is essential. I want it, and I give it often. But feedback should open doors, not slam them shut. It should encourage, not demean. It should invite dialogue, not cut it off.

And the truth is this: the way you give feedback says far more about you than it does about the person you’re giving it to.

That’s the lesson I’m carrying forward.