It is Not Okay for Members to Treat Their Organisations as Whipping Boys

Membership organisations exist to serve, represent, and empower their members. Yet in too many boardrooms and inboxes, the people running those organisations find themselves on the receiving end of cynicism, contempt, or outright hostility.

We’re not talking about healthy challenge or constructive disagreement but a creeping normalisation of poor behaviour. Staff being called at midnight for meeting minutes. Volunteers being verbally bullied in front of others. Members publicly questioning motives or integrity.

Let’s bust some myths and start setting boundaries.

Myth 1: “Because I’m a member, I can say what I like.”

Reality: Membership is not a licence for bad manners.

Members enjoy rights to vote, to influence, and to question but not to slander or belittle. The idea that volunteer status gives anyone a “free pass” to behave badly is a misunderstanding of both law and leadership.

No one would tolerate such conduct in their own workplace. Why should it be acceptable in a boardroom simply because the people present are unpaid? Volunteering brings privilege and purpose, not immunity from standards.

Myth 2: “Silence from the organisation means the criticism is true.”

Reality: Silence usually means the organisation is afraid.

Many membership bodies stay quiet when attacked. They fear escalation, bad publicity, or losing goodwill. But silence rarely calms things down. Instead it legitimises the attack and demoralises staff.

Professional response is not defensiveness. A calm, factual clarification can protect the organisation, its people, and its integrity. Boundaries are part of good governance.

Myth 3: “We’re volunteers, we can’t be disciplined.”

Reality: Volunteering doesn’t make you untouchable.

Codes of conduct exist for a reason. They are not bureaucracy; they are behavioural contracts. When volunteers breach them, the organisation must respond. Otherwise, the rules are meaningless.

Written protocols don’t prevent poor behaviour, but they give a framework for addressing it. When backed by clear consequences, they protect everyone, including the volunteer who steps out of line.

Myth 4: “The board works for the members, so staff should take the heat.”

Reality: Directors owe their duties to the organisation, not to individual members.

Executives and staff exist to deliver the mission, not to absorb abuse. When boards tolerate poor treatment of staff (or worse, engage in it) they fail in their duty of care.

Leadership means standing up for the team. It means saying “Challenge decisions, yes, but don’t attack people.” Respect for professional boundaries is not arrogance; it’s the foundation of trust.

Myth 5: “It’s harmless — people just need to vent.”

Reality: Words shape culture.

Each sarcastic comment, each whisper of cynicism, leaves a mark. Over time, these behaviours create an atmosphere of fear and fatigue. Staff dread meetings. Volunteers disengage. Good people leave.

Abuse rarely starts as shouting. It begins as tone, with gossip, side comments, or passive aggression. Dismiss that as “banter,” and you’ve already lost control of the culture.

Why Organisations Tolerate It

Four reasons recur:

1. Deference. “Member-led” is misread as “member-dominated.” Staff and boards confuse humility with submission.

2. Fear. Leaders worry that confronting a member could spark wider discontent.

3. Complacency. Fellow volunteers stay silent because they’re relieved not to be the target.

4. Lack of skill. Few chairs or CEOs have been trained to handle conflict with grace and authority.

The result? Cultures that prioritise calm over courage and mistake tolerance for professionalism.

Rebuilding Respect

Strong organisations draw clear lines between critique and contempt. They treat dissent as healthy, but disrespect as unacceptable.

Practical steps include:

• Universal codes of conduct. Apply them to everyone - board, committees, members, and staff.

• Proper induction. Every volunteer should understand behavioural expectations as well as strategic responsibilities.

• Chair training. Equip chairs to intervene when lines are crossed, politely but firmly.

• Visible support for staff. No one should be expected to “just take it.” Boards must protect their teams.

• Procedural follow-through. Written protocols only matter when used. Refer to them, act on them, and follow through.

What Healthy Boundaries Look Like

Professional boundaries are not hostility; they’re structure.

For staff:

• Keep communications within reasonable hours.

• Don’t share personal mobile numbers.

• Stay friendly, but avoid over-familiarity.

• Refuse gossip; it destroys trust.

• Guard confidentiality.

• Remember: you are there to support, not to serve.

For boards:

• Hold one another accountable for tone and behaviour.

• Challenge ideas, not identities.

• Model the respect you expect.

Professional respect is not optional. It’s what separates a functioning association from a dysfunctional club.

Leadership Requires Courage

The hardest myth to kill is that tolerance equals professionalism. It doesn’t. Allowing contempt to go unchecked is not diplomacy; it’s weakness disguised as calm.

True leadership demands courage, to confront poor behaviour, defend colleagues, and insist on civility even when it’s awkward. Every time a disparaging comment goes unchallenged, the organisation’s authority erodes a little more. Every time a board or CEO looks the other way, it signals that bad behaviour is the cost of membership.

It isn’t.

A Culture Worth Defending

Membership organisations can be remarkable forces for good. They elevate standards, amplify voices, and give communities structure and influence. But they depend on mutual respect.

Criticism keeps an organisation honest; contempt tears it apart. It drives away talent, weakens governance, and cheapens the mission.

It’s time to retire the idea that membership bodies must simply “take it.” They are not the sector’s punching bags. They are the sector’s backbone.

So the next time someone fires off a snide remark or a cynical email, don’t shrug it off. Respond, politely, firmly, and factually.

That’s not defensiveness. That’s leadership.

Because respect isn’t a luxury. It’s the glue that holds every membership organisation together.