The Paradox of Belonging: When “Inclusive” Memberships Feel Like Exclusive Clubs

Membership organisations are built on the promise of community. Their websites and marketing materials talk about “our network,” “our profession,” and “a place where you belong.” The tone is warm and inclusive, projecting the idea that anyone who shares the purpose is welcome to take part.

Yet for many new members, the reality can feel very different. You join, you attend an event, you log into the members’ forum, and the welcome feels… muted. The conversation carries on without you. Nobody actively turns you away, but nobody draws you in either. It’s not hostility, it's something subtler: the quiet, unspoken message that there’s an inner circle, and you’re not in it.

This is the paradox at the heart of many membership organisations: they position themselves as inclusive communities, yet often function like exclusive clubs.

Why it happens

This paradox is never deliberate, it emerges from culture, habits, and the way organisations evolve over time.

1. In-group familiarity Long-standing staff, members and volunteers know each other well. They’ve worked on committees together, met at countless conferences, and share history and shorthand. It’s natural for them to gravitate towards each other at events, but this can unintentionally sideline newer members.

2. Invisible gatekeeping Gatekeeping doesn’t require formal rules. It can be as simple as conversations that don’t pause to include the newcomer, jargon that isn’t explained, or social cues that signal “you’re not there yet.” These small behaviours add up, making it harder for new members to find their footing.

3. The “self-starter” myth Many organisations assume that if someone has joined, they’ll naturally find ways to get involved. In reality, without structured pathways, many new members hover on the edges, unsure how to connect or contribute, and leave before they’ve ever truly engaged.

4. Tradition over adaptation Heritage and continuity are strengths for any association, but an over-reliance on “the way we’ve always done it” can create cultural walls that feel impenetrable to those who weren’t there from the start.

Why it matters

This isn’t just a “soft” culture issue. It directly impacts organisational health.

• Member retention declines. If new joiners never feel like they belong, they won’t renew, regardless of the stated benefits.

• Growth stalls. Word-of-mouth is one of the most effective recruitment tools, but few people will recommend joining a group where they felt invisible.

• Credibility suffers. When the member experience doesn’t match the organisation’s stated values, trust erodes, and rebuilding it takes far longer than losing it.

For professional associations in particular, the danger is that the public brand projects openness and inclusivity, while the internal culture tells a different story.

How to change it

The paradox can be addressed, but it requires conscious design of the member experience, beyond simply offering services or hosting events.

1. Audit the “first-year journey” Look at your organisation through the eyes of a new member. From the welcome email to the first event to the first renewal notice, where are the points of human connection? Who takes responsibility for initiating that connection? If there are gaps, build systems that ensure no one is left to drift.

2. Make inclusion intentional Assign roles, both formal or informal, whose sole job is to welcome, introduce, and follow up with new members. At events, this might mean designated greeters or “member connectors.” Online, it might be volunteers who respond quickly to first posts or queries. Inclusion doesn’t happen by accident, it must be engineered.

3. Demystify the culture Every association has its own internal language, acronyms, and traditions. Instead of expecting new members to figure them out, provide a “cultural orientation”, whether as a short webinar, a welcome pack, or a peer mentoring programme. When the unwritten rules are made visible, the organisation becomes easier to navigate.

4. Diversify opportunities to contribute Some members will want to serve on committees. Others may prefer to contribute content, mentor peers, or take part in research. Provide multiple, equally-valued routes into participation so that people can engage in ways that suit their skills and capacity.

5. Measure belonging, not just engagement Event attendance, downloads, and volunteer hours tell part of the story. But belonging is about how people feel. Regularly ask members whether they feel connected, included, and heard, and take visible action on the feedback.

The payoff

An association that actively dismantles this exclusivity paradox will feel different the moment a member joins. The atmosphere at events shifts: new members aren’t left on the periphery, conversations are more open, and introductions happen naturally. Online spaces become more welcoming and responsive.

The benefits go beyond good feelings. Retention improves because members become emotionally invested. Recruitment accelerates as members feel proud to invite others. And the organisation’s values are reinforced through lived experience, not just marketing copy.

A conscious choice

The reality is that no membership organisation can claim to be truly inclusive unless it actively works against the subtle habits that exclude. This isn’t about eliminating history or changing everything that long-standing members value. It’s about recognising that those traditions can and should be shared in ways that invite people in rather than hold them at arm’s length.

The moment someone signs up, they’re signalling that they want to be part of something bigger. It’s up to the organisation to meet that commitment with more than just access to resources. They need to quickly feel that they matter, that they are seen, and that they belong.

Otherwise, “inclusive community” risks remaining just another line in the brochure, while in practice the organisation functions like a private club whose doors are technically open, but whose chairs are already taken.